Ever Changing Crusades

a new beginning

To my family, friends, and blog buddies, THANK YOU deeply for your thoughts, prayers, and concerns involving my widowhood.

It has been over a year and half since my husband, Ronnie, passed away at the young age of 56. Since I had been with him for almost 32 years, I had to do some extreme adjusting in ALL aspects of my life after his death. My job(s). My family relationships. My responsibilities. And, of course, adjusting in living alone. Somehow, there seemed to be no room in my life any more for just ME. I was always doing something that NEEDED to be done, instead of me WANTING to do it. There was no fun to be seen in the horizon.

BUT ! On December 8, 2007 I had a date. A date with a very good man. His name is Terry. He lives locally. (no, I did not meet him on the internet)

I will not tell you much details. I will say tho, that for the past 2 months, I have been very happy every single day. It's as if I'm a teenager again. A "teenager" with numerous responsibilities (which I am still seeing after). I'm sure God knew WHEN to introduce Terry into my life. HE knew when I could handle everything.

If Terry and I don't see each other every day, we at least TXT everyday. Yes - text messaging! We always TXT each other a "Good Morning" and a "Good Night" every day. We TXT alot! See what I mean about "being a teenager"? ha ha (I had to change my cell phone plan. The TXTing was killing me on the phone bill)

P.S........ I have even started attending church most every Sunday morning with Terry.

Strong Women

Recently, as I was roaming the greeting card rack, this card caught my eye.  During the past year and a half I have had numerous situations arise, some with obstacles - some without, along with various emotions involved.  I have tried persevere and conquer.

This is a salute to all you women which are Strong Women, weather you realize it or not...... you are "Strong".

Strong women are those who know the road ahead will be strewn with obstacles, but they still choose to walk it because it's the right one for them.

Strong women are those who make mistakes, who admit to them, learn from those failures, and then use that knowledge.

Strong women are easily hurt, but they still extend their hearts and hands, knowing the risk and accepting the pain when it comes.

Strong women are sometimes beat down by life, but they still stand back up and step forward again.

Strong women are afraid.  They face fear and move ahead to the future, as uncertain as it can be.

Strong women are not those who succeed the first time.  They're the ones who fail time and again, but still keep trying until they succeed.

Strong women face the daily trials of life, sometimes with a tear, but always with their heads held high as the new day dawns.

------- by Brenda Hager

poem "Start a New Day"

Start a new day
Fresh and reborn
After a restful lay
Creatures sing with adorn.

Yesterdays have past
Tomorrows yet to come
Today rolls fast
Accomplished with sum.

No regrets will haunt
No promises to fail
All is peace in heart
God's comfort does prevail.

----by Cindy  6-30-07

hard work and feeling good

The past 2 weekends I got some "put off chores" accomplished.

One main activity, that I am glad is now over, was done this past Saturday morning.  Ros (my hired yard help) and I loaded and unloaded 5 pickup truck loads of old firewood.  We moved the firewood from behind the house, from under the tractor shed, and from one of the barn stalls........  to the woods.  I did my share of the work, or should I say, my third of the work.  It took us 4 steady hours.  I expected my muscles to be sore from pitching those logs .......but they're not.  I must be in better shape than I gave myself credit.

The other chores that I did by myself included......   brush 2 outdoor dogs, refill all the bird feeders (hummingbird and seed feeders), replace light bulbs on the deck, spray an ant trail, clean winter leaves out of the rustic yard water fountain and got it pumping again, and FINALLY poured 25 lbs. of fish fertilizer in each of the 2 ponds.

Still had time for some "Cindy Time", including walking among the wild blackberry trails.  I did not save any blackberries that I picked for later.......ate all as fast as I picked them.

There are still dirt dobber nests to destroy, wasps nests to spray, mouse traps to check, and weeds to pull from perennial flower beds, etc. etc.   I might even have Ros to teach me how to operate the grass mower this summer.

final Stage

Recently I am starting to experience another stage, hopefully the final, in my grieving process.

I did a quick search for what are the Stages of Grief.  They are listed as:  * denial, disbelief, numbness  * anger, blaming others   * bargaining   *depressed mod, sadness, crying   * acceptance, coming to terms.        The article says:  "These reactions do not occur in a specific order.  Not all of these emotions are necessarily experienced."

I must be entering the "ANGER, BLAMING OTHERS" stage.   Here is another poem that I wrote recently.  Writing poems seem to help me a great deal..... it makes really think of what I want to say and, of course, gets it on paper.

But You're Not Here

I forget the garbage

But you're not here.

I eat more junk food

But you're not here.

The pets need brushed

But you're not here.

Light bulbs need changing

But you're not here.

The barn needs repair

But you're not here.

The ponds need to be fished

But you're not here.

I seem constantly on the go

But you're not here.

Decisions to be discussed

But you're not here.

Mistakes have been made

But you're not here.

I'm so tired

But you're not here.

I am angry

Why aren't you here?